Description
This sticker will help fill many voids in your life. It will help you feel sexy and attract a suitable mate with attractive features and large genitalia. It will make sure you are part of the in-crowd, where people drink beer and fancy cocktails at poolside parties. It will help your ho-hum office life feel like a wonderful adventure on tropical islands and distant locales. It will make your car get better gas mileage, and it will make cookies fat-free when you eat them.
It will help you get picked for the team, and if not, it will at least help you justify why you never got picked for the team and finally feel okay about it. This sticker, if posted near your bed, will make sure you never have that dream about being naked in front of science class ever again. It will help you grow more hair if you want hair and grow less hair if you’re sick of shaving. It is better than shaving cream. It is better than whiskey and coffee and sex and puppies and sunsets and perfect spring days that remind you of your first lover and that time when you kissed that magical kiss that all other kisses can’t compare to.
This sticker helps you be a better warrior, gives you a third degree black belt, empowers you with a one inch punch better than Bruce Lee’s, and it helps all your clothes be fashionable. It makes your boss always laugh at your jokes, and it makes the neighbors jealous. This sticker makes it so Christmas lasts all year long, not just a day, unless your’e an atheist, in which case it helps prove that God doesn’t exist but lets you find peace in your place in a boundless universe which was so cold and vast and uncaring just moments before you bought this sticker.
This sticker helps to mask your waning libido, and it makes sure none of your friends know that you cry at night when all alone. It makes your pants still fit. It makes summer turn to winter and winter turn to summer, unless you like the season you’re in right now, in which case it makes it last forever, and forever, and forever, amen.
This sticker is a vinyl piece of shit with a logo on it. You can stick it somewhere. It might make you smile a couple times, and that’s worth two bucks, isn’t it?
